I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think.
It’s weird. You know that feeling you get, when you’re really ambitious but really lazy at the same time, and it just ruins your total sense of human-ness; because even though you have it in you to do something great, you just don’t want to also, because you just don’t…BUT YOU DO.
Ambition and laziness don’t go well together my friends.
Today was my last day of school. It was actually the first time in my life where it didn’t actually feel like the end, but it was. As much as I yearn for the summer days to come, it beginning to scare me a lot. You lose friends over the summer, you lose a sense of value in yourself because a lot of the time, one spends it just laying on the couch all day watching T.V or movies or lounging through the internet, and the resulting feeling is just TERRIBLE. I MEAN, EVERY SUMMER I HAVE MORE THAN 10000000000 EXPERIENCES IN WHICH AT THE END OF THE DAY I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL WASTE OF LIFE BECAUSE I DID NOTHING BUT WATCH KOREAN DRAMAS OR WHATEVER I’M WEIRDLY INTO AT THE TIME.
That’s probably one of my biggest fears about summer. The amounting possibility of Wasteful Days, and I hate Wasteful Days.
I think I’ll be better this summer though. I have plans. I have dreams to turn into reality. I have a human mind and soul to set in motion and change the world! Because I’m going to do it guys. I’m going to change the world. Steve Jobs said so, so it is going to happen. I mean, if you’re crazy enough to believe you can actually change the world, then you will.
I guess that’s it for my little writing time of thoughts today. I had something inside me that I needed to get out, and I didn’t know what it was, and the only way that could have happened was by writing something. Honestly, I was planning on writing about, The Graduate, (ELAINE!!!—ELAINE!!!….BEEEEN!! -sorry just had to act that one seen out cause’ I needed to and it’s just an awesome scene.) and also my last day of school and stupid freaking grades. But instead you got this other useless entry about, once again, my urge to figure out what the heck is going to inside my brain and what I’m going to do with my life. Throughout the next few months of summer this may a recurring topic in my blogs. The internal psychedelic confusion and tantrums my brain and conscience throw are a regular in my life, but then again, we are humans. And humans are weird.
My brain as of now: