fake love

whole time they wanna take my place.

but do they?

I don’t trust a word you say.

DAMN. This song is really relatable, as an accuser and as an accused. Otakaji?

How you gonna click up after your mistakes?

Wow Drake. Do you know me and the average human population?

I asked my sister a few days ago if she showed fake love to other people, because lately, I was really dreading that I was doing that.

I mean. I am a quiet, forgotten person on this earth. It’s hard to understand that I matter to some people other than family. Friends are really a great thing, but the way I was raised, and the experiences that I’ve had, friends have been taught to become a fake unnecessary thing. It is your family that will stick with you forever. It is your family you need to stick with forever. We are one.

Others are not always one. That is, until you find someone really special and relatable. I have one or two people like that. Really nice, kind, humble, and warm people. Society is such a tough weird place to integrate myself to.

Even though I say it is hard for me to connect and let myself go to most people, I know if I transformed and improved my mindset, I could reach more people. I could adequately collaborate with intelligence and desire and understanding.

But as I am, I have fear. I fear physical expression and its effect. I fear disappointment and rejection from others. I fear tension and stares and the mere possibility of a physical attack.

As I am now, I can be easily traumatized. But I must move past this. I can’t be a trembling baby anymore man. Do other people really matter to you? Do others interest you? Do you have the responsibility to move past your fear of rejection, and proudly, eagerly even, thank others, welcome others, help others in a variety of situations?

When you meet a really good person, it’s absolutely shocking. It’s such a rarity, but’s those people exist out there, and you can tell that they are really good people my the feel of their smile and humbleness of their welcome. I mean, good people are really kind, and good really people really show their appreciation for this life and the life of others. I wish to someday be like that.

Drake, I will try to not show fake love anymore. Unless there is someone toxic in my life- then its bye bitch.

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A day.

Do you have writing music?

I think I do. I definitely think I do. MGMT always makes me explore my heart- influencing it to shift through these lows and high of emotion.

Overall, I give this day a B-. I enjoyed meeting up at the library and visualizing for one split second that I was part of a picture of a group of young students discussing ideas, solutions, with furrowed faces and modestly awakened eyes.

Of course, there were some members in the group who “don’t give a shit” (verbatim…), but I don’t care. Even if they say they don’t care, they must have an interest. Otherwise, why would they respond to my questions the way they did. Perhaps you could consider the 10% of kindness even the worst of us preserve for the fragile (me), but what to think of the remaining 90%?

I would really like to get to know people more. I don’t know anymore about socializing, but I would like maximize¬†thoughts and ideas as an observant.

AHHh! Everything feels like a mess. My typing. My face. My heart. I must be feeling lonely and unreasonably depressed. I think I am also scared about my Calculus test this Tuesday. And scared about disappointing others and explaining to future job prospects why I got more than one B the spring of my freshman year.

I heard someone today talking about their dream to become a quality rapper. I want to do that to. I want to live on a beat. I want to intertwine linguistic rhythms with a sick beat that will blow everyone’s mind, including mine and Rap Monsters.

There’s only one way to deal with the guilt. And that’s confronting it head on.

Confront things head on ======. And realize, most people care about themselves more than anything anyways, so don’t sacrifice too much of yourself for others.

As you can tell, today was not a great day.

Im home weirfos

I’m changing this blog to be called The Weirfo Station ;000000000.

Just kidding. I would never commit that typo atrocity. It’s been a long time friend.

Not gonna lie, I really think I forgot how to write and diligently type. It’s been too much of a math year. I had to let go of a lot of the expressive side of me for my first year of college as a pending Computer Engineering major.

BUT NO MORE.

I will regain the few grammar skills I had! I will renew the creativity I never had! I will surge my typing speed once again, and utilize this amazing blog as a source of relief and expression of the random thoughts I wish to dispel and nourish and blossom upon the world.

To be honest, MGMT made me like this. MGMT made me want to return home today, at this very moment. There is so much power and expression in the Oracular Spectacular album that really inspires me to spill out feelings and ideas and basically everything. UGGGHHH! This year happened so fast when will I recount it all and when will I reflect on what I must improve on!

When will I do what I love again.

One day, I’ll figure it out. What’s sad is, at this very moment, everything that I am doing…is for the money. I became a person who really believes that lifes’ many problems can be solved with money, and this fact makes me really distraught and cray cray.

I just want to be myself again. I don’t know where you are bro!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?

Maybe I am undergoing the 4th Dimensional Transition.

 

 

I mean, I am listening to it right now at this very moment. (Sly emoji smile)

Friends. The weirdy station is back, and it can never leave. (insert suga shrug after he calls himself a genius here)

See you tomorrow chingu.