Minimizing Confidence

Any second now my mom’s going to come barging in to relish catching me in the act not doing Physics.

Since no one reads this, it’s okay to talk about how sad I am right now, as much as I’m trying not to be. I guess the past week I just reached a high point in my month. Maybe my period is coming, I don’t know.

Anyways, it’s okay to drone about being uselessly sad because there’s so much other crap in the internet. Why not crap on it some more?

One thing does make me happy though.

Sitting up straight, listening to CNBLUE’S freaking incredible FNC Kingdom concerts totally rocking out, and doing quality work.

Also exercising really relieves my stresses.

I’m expecting to let a lot of people down in the future. Like, a second from now and all the seconds onward in my life.

You know what else I fucking hate. Not being able to type efficiently. Sometimes I can , sometimes I can’t. Don’t mean to lash out, sometimes I can’t control it, but I freaking fucking hate it. Why can’t I be 2.0 Indira all the time.

If you knew how many mistkes I actually aasjkl;fasdffjkl;;sw;hio

I may just be done with this right now. I’m going to continue doing Physics and try to make myself more mad.

(sarcastic smiley face :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

A Show Called Running Man-Nevermind

I was going to talk about a show called Running Man, but I decided, I feel like there are more important things to talk about.

My eyes are blinks away from permanent closure-at least for bedtime. I like this feeling. I also live the feeling of working hard, with results.

I need to get ready for school soon. I need to prepare some things for my T.V Broadcast class. Some intellectual world news everybody should now, although I’m a bit weary on bringing in really sad things. I don’t want to depress people more than they already are, but the cold truth is, people need to know these things. By not knowing, we won’t do anything. But more importantly, by not acknowledging, humans won’t do anything to change things either. For example- no, too tired for the lame example I was going to write about.

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So, after completing the sentence above, I decided to look up WheezyWaiter, the Youtuber, because their was a second where I thought about the possibility of writing a story about a waiter who has asthma. I might do it. Anyways, from there, I found myself searching for Hank Green, and then from there, his suggestions for the most important videos of 2014.

And yes, they are extremely essential. So much so I thank God for allowing me to watch these videos, sincerely.

Here is the link itself:

Malala’s acceptance speech is the first one I looked at. Hank Green said it would make me cry. He was right. It will make you cry too. I connected with Malala a long time ago. I remember the short little square article I read about her in a TIME Magazine, and when I read she was my age, I was mind blown. It was my first gateway revelation into knowing that I could stand up and change the world.

And this is really hard for an ambitious and lazy person to do. So for a long time I have only felt the anger injustice stirs within me, I have only felt the desire to change this, I have only dreamed of successfully making a name for myself.

But after seeing Malala’s speech for the Nobel Freaking Peace Prize, I realized that everything I have been doing, all my dreaming and desire to change things, has all been wrong. This is not the way to think about bringing change.

I don’t need success, I don’t need recognition, I don’t need praise. I just need to know in my heart that people out there, children, teenagers, animals, plants, and trees and Mother earth’s soil are not committed with injustices. Things that should not happen, should not happen, so why do they?

This speech was probably the greatest speech I’ve ever experienced. What a brave human being. What a kind and good nature-d girl. As I watched her, I could see the influences of the world. Sometimes I saw glimpses of Dr. Martin Luther King, and the way he spoke. But ultimately, in the end, this speech is just Malala.

I always felt like I needed to deserve things I receive to be successful. But this should not be a mindset at all. I mean, all humans, all children and animals and environments deserve their natural rights-they are NATURAL rights.

I want to make sure everyone has the same opportunity, as I do, to live. To live their dream, to live to their upmost potential, to experience this terrible and beautiful life as a human being. If only everyone could see our human potential for good.

It excites me, the action of bringing change to injustice. But I must be aware of myself as well. There will come a time where I have an individual dream. I mean, I want to write stories, I want to make movies, I want to feel what it’s like living doing these things, but I want to make sure every kid, every girl, can dream for these living feelings too.

Malala is a great person. I wish I could meet her and shake her hand one day. I don’t usually write this way. I try to write as weird and as anti-optimistic as possible, kidding; but I have never wanted to directly shake someone’s hand so much. Maybe that’s why it felt strange to me. Anyways, maybe I just won’t wait anymore. Maybe I’ll actually do. But that’s all up to me.

I need to watch that video 100 more times for inspiration.

But for now, brush teeth and fall deeply asleep.

Commencing, Embarking, big words suck I just want to say I’m ready to start 2015

In reality, I have deep respect for higher level diction. Sophistication can be quite elegant.

But at the same time I’m into straightforwardness and not putting aside the beautiful.

It’s a mediocre happy medium. 🙂

I totally miss blogging. When I think I about it, it could be easier and more beneficial to do this thing, whatever it is, through video, but in this instance, I don’t have to show my face and I can just act out what I’m writing in my brain-also a little bit in person- as I’m writing it. I really do make sudden spasms/slight movements with my head as I write. It’s like I’m having a meaningful conversation with my computer screen.

So, all of you must know that New Year’s Resolutions don’t just happen, right. Humans have to work to get their shit done. I know my toilet knows that I know that it knows that, is true.

Some people hate toilet humor. I get it, I do.

I don’t.

Anyways, yeah. I started out my day watching some Property brothers, due cause to my Mom, but the show is incredibly enticing. For some reason I love watching fugly houses re-invented with a flood of mistrust emanating from the customer. Rejection is the best.

I plan to write everyday. No, I don’t plan that. I’m just going to do it.

I still have much to finish off this year.

The cool thing about ending 2014, I’m usually really nervous while I stare at the ball drop timer ticking down to its very last second. I’m nervous about if I can make this year a good one for myself, because I doubt a lot. But this year I spent my first second of 2015 just happy. Like I could inhale a new hair, and exhale a better version of myself. But that alone is my job to do, and I just got to keep telling myself that.

Until next time,

I.

Writing on New Year’s Eve

I originally spelled New Year’s Eve new Year’s Eye. More on that later: (Not really)

I actually learned something grammatical about parentheses this year. It is that the content that goes inside of the parentheses is not important and is unnecessary information, yet we have this extreme need/urge to add it that blurb in there; at least I do. It must be I write mostly unnecessary, not important things. Tis’ true, but I don’t mind. I love writing useless or, on its rare occasion, useful things.

2014 was such a bad year, you know. I feel like it could have been so much more, but this is me talking in a state of depression. So scratch everything I just said.

Really, I am grateful for this year more than any other. It was such a medium year. Uncertain, stuck, confusing, like the dimension Matthew McConaughey was stuck in in Intersteller. Yes, it’s exactly like that. Beautifully and Masterfully confusing.
(Ow. My back is hurting right now. I hate it, seriously, whyyyyyyy.)

But yeah, that was 2014 for me, in words I guess. I gained weight, which I love. I failed a number of times: maybe hundred, literally, but I love this. I cried over 100 times over the year, this is 100% certain, but I am grateful. It was truly a blessed year.

Happy New Year’s Everyone! 2015!!!!!!!

I should end this way, but I won’t. I’m very happy and nervous right now. I think this year I may even become an adult.

Naah.

But 2014 was definitely a year that really needed to happen to me, you know? I needed that challenge, I needed to experience pain and failure more than ever before. I needed to know how I would handle it, and how much better I need to create this person that I am. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen myself as a writer. Even though I love defining myself as this, no human can have a single trait to define them. It’s inhumane. Sure, we have our appellation (I learned this year that this means “name or, title”), but behind the letters that make up our name there is too much human to define singularly.

Anyways, my annual New Year’s Eve point is, be grateful for yet another year of tremendous failures. I never realized until now how much I grow up every turning year, both in size and mind. My heart is feeling the yearns of nostalgia. It’s happily weeping.

Anyways, I’m glad to get rid of the past-I’m sorry I just hand to say that: it’s a New Year’s Eve cliche requirement.

In reality, I’m glad to take it with me, into this New Year that is 2015. Every time I say 2015 I say it in the “hurrah!” voice of a crazed football fan. I love it.

I wish everyone an emotionally and mentally inconsistent, but Happy New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New Year.

I wrote new 15 times yes.

A blurb

Hey digital paper! I guess I’m kind of bored of doing nothing again! And I love using exclamation points now! YES! Not really, I think they look ugly on paper, but I’m really feeling them right now; so much so I will be putting an exclamation point at the end of this sentence! Ahhhh! I can’t wait to go back to school. I’m feeling a lot better than I was these past few months. I feel like I can write again, and think again, and feel again. I wish my dad wouldn’t have to go Boston again. It’s been awesome having him here again. Everything is going to fit in nicely, only as long as I take charge and put those puzzle pieces together, no matter how infuriatingly frustrating it might be. I still have K-Pop to cheer me up always, but I think I’m going to be taking a break from K-Pop. It’s time to create some discovering of Indira Avendano. There was this quote about finding yourself not being really the way to look at things, but rather creating yourself. I thought that was awesome.

I miss sincerity. I miss indulgent, and I miss love and observation and I miss being confident.

I also miss being young, and the rest of the world being young with me.

How I Feel About Jonah’s Forever

What do I want to write about? I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I just want to keep on writing and writing and writing, FOREVER.

A few days ago, I saw Sleepless in Seattle, and there is this scene in the movie where Jonah, the main kid character in the story is mad at his Dad for leaving on a trip with his super “lame”, hyena laughing woman, and rightfully so. So when the Dad, which is Tom Hanks, starts talking about getting laid after months, suddenly Jonah’s there. Yaaaay!

The shot they shot of Jonah from behind is great, by the way.

Anyways, Tom Hanks, the Dad, asks Jonah how long he’s been standing there in a stern and like WTF manner, and Jonah GENIUSLY goes like:
“FOREVER.”

And cue to me screaming like a wildebeest, because that scene was literally one of the best scenes I’ve ever seen in my life, and I don’t even know why?

Maybe it’s Jonah’s face, or maybe it’s Jonah’s tone of voice, but I’m not fucking lying I love that scene more than anything, which is an exaggeration, but exasperated times call for exasperated measures.

It’s my favorite scene of all time, which is likely to change, but maybe not.

You may think I’m crazy, which I am-I mean, so are you, we are human beings, a part of an insane human race- but I don’t care because I freaking love this scene.

That’s all I have to say about that though.

sleepless_in_seattleheader

What to do what to do.

As I am writing this I am trying to figure out what to do next.

Listen to CNBLUE

Write a story

Look at articles about the world

Watch funny YouTube Videos

Rewatch Video Game High School for the 100th time.

All Questions, left unknown.

I think I’m going to check my grades, and then go from there.

This was a poem by the way

Because it is structured that way

And that’s why poems are called poems

Because of the way they look

I mean come one,

lesbe honest.